Sunday, May 15, 2016

Debrief

So I'm starting something new. You see I'm in a new season, a very new and unfamiliar place. I'm not sure how to be or how to handle things. I'm trying different things along the way. Ignoring it has not worked! Playing normal is only surface deep. I think I need to write. 

I know I haven't written in a while. I've been meaning to. I just haven't known what to say. How truthful to be. How raw. It's wise to be careful. But at the same time. Honesty and vulnerability have their own solid points. 

A lot has happened this year and we are only up to the beginning of May. This year 2016 is not what I expected at all. So far... 

Our family has moved to a new church where we knew no one and had no positions or reputations. Nothing. 

We started our first darling daughter in school much to my angst (see my last posts). I didn't handle my husbands difference of opinion and final say very well at all. Do not role model me in that! Sorry honey x. 

Then we pulled her out of school. Deep breath. Now I'm homeschooling her for the year. This is entirely another post. 

My husbands best friend passed away tragically. 

We found out we were pregnant with another wee bub. We were all so excited and eager to meet and love little Buddy. 
 
I really miss the sense of strong community we had built at our old church. 

We lost our little Buddy at 12 weeks. 

Somehow wrapped up in losing Buddy my faith is being tested and (better be being) strengthened. It's hard. 

And on top of all that I feel like I'm being attacked personally with regards to my thoughts in my mind. I am continually fighting back and realigning my thoughts with the Word of God. I have a sound mind. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind. I am safe and secure in my Fathers arms. 

So I'm a bit blah sometimes. A bit displaced. A bit lost. Not sure of anything except the love of my Almighty Father and the blessings he has given to me... My family! 

Through it all I choose to praise Him. To hide myself in Him. To find time for the secret place where I can be in His presence which is so gentle, refreshing and healing. 

And now I write to debrief along the way. Because ignoring it was just forming a mountain that was getting a tinsy bit overwhelming. 


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